You ever look back at life moments and think, what the hell was I thinking? Well, I have had way to many regrets to think. One of the most regretful decisions that I made was hurting someone I really cared for. There was no reason whatsoever I decided to ignore someone I really cared for, and for well over a year I have lived with that decision. It just so happens, that earlier today, she actually reached out to me via FB messenger. I was absolutely excited to hear from her. However, at the same time it was also hard to know that I let her go. I was saddened to hear about her father and her health, as it is not the news I wanted to hear.
Few people ever have someone come into their lives that actually make a difference and mean well. But for whatever reason, I let her go and was a complete asshole. I ghosted her, and blocked her from contacting me. Maybe it was because I was scared because I started having feelings for her. But whatever the case, she didn’t deserve it and had only good intentions. However, I think looking back at it now, maybe I was afraid and didn’t want anybody to get close to me. Regardless, whatever the reason, I never expected to hear from her again. However, she made an effort to reach out to me, and see how I was doing despite what I did to her. Unfortunately, I am such an asshole, I can’t be honest with her via FB messenger and have to write how I’m feeling.
The most disappointing thing is that I can’t see her, as I have moved out of state, and even if I didn’t, don’t think that I deserve to see her. She accepted me for who I am and accepted all my faults, yet I pushed her away. Shortly after we stopped seeing each other, I had my mental break down and thus leaded to me moving away.
I wish her nothing but the best. Pray for health and her father’s health, and hope that one day she can forgive me (which I think she already has, although I don’t deserve it). My advice for those struggling with the same thing, don’t ever take advantage of it and appreciate what you have.
I know that she will read this and wonder the same thing… why did I do what I did? To be honest, I think I was afraid more than anything. I was afraid of letting someone get close to me. Now look at me.. I’m alone, except for Max, and continually am depressed. I have yet since been able to date anyone worth of any significance, and regret my decision every day. All I can hope for is to be her friend via text and FB. What kind of relationship is that?